“Bebop baby, how can this be?
I know you’ve been out a-cheating on me”
Loose Lucy – Grateful Dead, Hunter/Garcia 1973
I follow the Black Twitter page on Facebook. The topic of cheating came up last week when Derek Jaxn (still don’t know who he is!) admitted to sleeping with other women, while his wife held his hand on camera, in his coming to Jesus moment.
The comments section is always gold on this page, so I had a look. The first one that popped up in my feed read something like, “I mean… Better do it to them before they do it to you.”
Although I typically don’t reply to comments, this was really sad to me and I replied to the guy that his was a terrible attitude. I then got checked by another man who told me it’s ubiquitous – don’t hate the player, hate the game. Cheating is everywhere, according to those men. You can’t escape it so you may as well be the first one to do it, before she does. What a load of shit.
Yes, statistically there are many people who will cheat on you given the chance. Ashley Madison, a website designed to allow you to be a cheater, counts over 60 million members, according to Forbes. That’s 60 million people who are in a relationship and want to find someone else to mess around with.
When I read that number, I thought, No wonder people think that everyone is a cheater. That’s a lot of people! I wonder how many are cheating and not even on there?
Why I Believe “Everyone Cheats” is a Load of Shit
Even with that striking figure, statistics show that *admitted* cheaters are not in the majority; they make up less than half of the U.S. population. There are probably lots more than what is being recorded, just like Covid-19, but we have to stick with the data available, not speculation.
Statistically speaking, those guys on Black Twitter were wrong: It is not the majority who cheats. Maybe it depends on where you live, but I think at the end of the day, it’s the company you keep.
It took me nearly 40 years to finally meet the right person, one who is faithful and kind, who loves me just like I am, hairy legs and all; no way am I giving him up for anyone! He told me this morning that he would rather have his ass kicked than be cheated on – it happened to him a few times in the past with previous partners. The pain of infidelity long outlasts an ass-whooping, apparently.
With me, he does not need to worry. It’s not my style. I really have no patience for that sort of thing and I kinda wonder, who does? Where the heck do you find the time…and energy???
Why Do People Do It?
I had to ask this question because cheating makes no sense to me – I honestly don’t get it. Sex is the number one reason for men. At a whopping 44%, nearly half of cheating guys are in it for the nookie. We already knew that, though.
However, there are some genetic factors involved which can also lead to infidelity. Weird, right? Vasopressin is a hormone which can contribute to the likelihood of whether someone will be unfaithful. How scientists figured this out, I have no idea. I doubt every cheater is willing to submit a DNA sample to determine whether they have elevated levels of the hormone.
On the flip side, women cheat because they want to feel desired, they meet someone new with whom they fall in love with, and/or they simply crave affection which is not being given at home in some way, shape, or form. Sometimes it is because her partner is abusive, sometimes not. As usual, it seems to be more complicated with us girls.
The Cards Will Tell You the Truth, Even if He/She Won’t
There are several cards in the Tarot which could help to identify a cheating partner:
Knight of Cups reversed (He is not to be trusted; liar with empty promises)
Queen of Wands reversed (She is not to be trusted; angry, flirty, and vengeful)
The Devil (The couple is in a toxic relationship and both might be cheating)
The Tower (Someone/something is about to blow up over this shit!)
The Lovers reversed (Poor communication, both have trust issues)
Judgment reversed (Bad decision-making, not trusting your own intuition and knowing)
The Moon (Hidden information, illusions)
Three of Swords (Heartbreak, can sometimes indicate a love triangle)
Seven of Swords (Stealing away in the night behind someone’s back)
Nine of Swords (Up late at night over anxious thoughts and fears; high stress)
Five of Cups (Loss of a relationship or something important to you; mourning)
Six of Cups reversed (A ex-partner who resurfaces at the worst possible time)
Eight of Cups (Moving on after the grief period is over)
Where each card is in the spread and how it combines with other cards around it will give you more information. One card in the spread alone would not necessarily indicate a cheating scenario, but if you get a combination of these cards, it could be a big, red flag.
The Doubting Thomas
When “my buddy” contacted me about six weeks ago for an emergency reading, it was about his woman, who he believed was cheating on him. The reading I performed did not indicate any infidelity with another man per se, but I did believe she was contemplating leaving his ass, and it was probably because he kept accusing her of being unfaithful.
If you read my Nine of Swords post, you’d remember he had gotten the Judgment card in the present placement. Keep in mind, the reading I did was supposed to be specifically about her. I told him I thought the Judgment card in that placement was a reflection of his judging her – she felt judged – and perhaps, she was trying to decide whether her decision to get back with him after he got out of jail was the right choice.
When I did a second reading for him, a full Celtic Cross spread, the Hierophant was the only male energy in the spread – in the first placement, current situation. Although there was a very slight possibility that she was cheating with an older man (possibly a mentor from work), the other cards in the spread did not indicate this.
If the Hierophant had been in that placement, with the Lovers reversed as the reason for the reading, the Tower as the best possible outcome, and the advice as Eight of Cups, I would have told him, “Hey bro, it’s time to move on. She is with someone else.”
Why He Should Choose to Move On, Regardless
In fact, I did tell him to leave even though I did not believe she was cheating. Why would I do that? Because, as a couple they have fundamental trust issues. But I love her! he told me.
So what? If you believe she is doing you dirty then you either need to 1) Leave or 2) Trust her until you are proven right, so you can leave with a clear conscience. She’s not going to admit it, so you either stick by her side and wait to figure it out, or you move on. That’s it.
I used a metaphor from the Bible to help him understand what I meant. I described the story of the foolish man who built his house on sand. In this case, the house represents their relationship. The sand is equivalent to the strength of their bond/trust. Without a strong foundation, the house will sink.
Which Spread Should I Use if I Think My Partner is Cheating?
There are plenty of different relationship spreads available with a quick online search. I typically use the Celtic Cross as my go-to for most topics, but you might have more luck with a spread dedicated to learning more about relationships.
If you decide to use an online tarot site, you will find several different relationship spreads available to choose from: Is he the right one for me? Is he going to come back? Is she really into this as much as I am? All those questions can be answered with a three-card spread, which is usually free on Tarot.com.
If you are looking for more insight than a simple, online three-card spread, I am available for tarot readings via chat, by phone, or in-person. Book appointment with Heather.
What If the Cards Indicate Infidelity?
If you have a reading done, or you perform your own and you think it is likely your partner is cheating based on the cards which presented themselves, you’ll want to know what to do next.
Should I confront my partner? (The cards said you were cheating.)
Should I wait and gather more evidence? (I know she’s cheating but I can’t prove it, yet.)
Should I just go on and pretend like I don’t know? (I love him so I don’t want to rock the boat, even if he is cheating.)
Should I leave her? (I was already suspicious and the cards confirmed my worst fears.)
As a person who has been in more toxic relationships than I care to admit, I would be the first one to tell you to move the fuck on. If you think your partner is cheating, they either are and you can no longer trust them, or they are not and you need to do some soul-searching. Either way, you probably need to do some soul-searching.
If your partner is not cheating and you think she is for whatever reason, you need to ask yourself why you do not trust your partner. If there is a history of infidelity, that is at least a good reason to think that it could happen again. Cheaters, especially males, are more likely to cheat again if they have done it once.
Yet, if there is no history or evidence of cheating, then the real question is: What happened in your past which has caused you to project your fears onto your partner? Where does your fear stem from; the root cause?
Trust is ESSENTIAL
When I told “my buddy” that he should leave her because they have no foundation of trust in their relationship (which will cause it to eventually sink into the ground like that house on sand), he could not grasp the idea. He was sooo obsessed with finding out if she was cheating, it was consuming his entire world. I felt bad for him, but he did not want a solution from me. He wanted me to tell him she was cheating so he could exact revenge -that’s what I believe.
Without trust, there is no relationship. If you break trust with someone you love, expect to pay the consequences. Also, if you accuse someone of cheating you’d better damn well have evidence because trust goes both ways. If you break trust by accusing your woman of something she didn’t do, she might just leave you on the side of the road on the way to the hospital to give birth to your child. True story.
Karma is a Bitch
You know that saying, what goes around comes around. This is never going to be more true than with a cheater. Since many people end up telling their partners about the cheating, it is likely that their own guilty consciences end up being the karma dealt to them. Yet, there is a more likely painful experience to be had when you are a cheater – your partner ends up cheating on you as retaliation, or even just for kicks.
Maybe it won’t be the person you cheated on, it could be another person later on in life, but it will happen – someone will break your trust and it will come back to bite you. This is probably the reason that guy said you might as well do it first – because it has happened to him (and likely, more than once.)
However, if he had not been cheating on his women in the past, perhaps his current girl would stay faithful. Maybe she would cheat anyway…but I know in the game of life, your actions will cause an equal and similar reaction, even if it comes much further on down the line or in a different way.
Regardless, I’m hedging my bets towards good karma – which is probably why I was finally able to meet someone who treats me right. The good is coming back to me after all I’ve put in.
I Hope You’ll Go
People who are cheated on lose a shit-load of self-esteem, even if they will not readily admit it. If you know your partner is cheating and you cannot work it out (I wouldn’t recommend sticking around, but to each his own) you will have to decide what is next. Leaving a relationship is not an easy task, especially when you feel bad about yourself, so I applaud anyone who finds the strength to leave a cheating/dishonest partner.
Moving on from someone you love is difficult, even if they’ve hurt you. Yet, staying with someone who doesn’t respect you (or himself) enough to be faithful is even more painful – at least in my opinion; I’d rather be alone. Standing by someone who doesn’t love or respect me does not serve me in any way.
Sadly, some people cannot muster the strength to leave a disastrous relationship, and choose to stay despite their Tower collapsing. They cling on for dear life out of fear, despite the pain.
And to those people I say, “Good luck, America. You’re on your own.” – George Carlin
…Or you can try couples therapy; it’s likely the only solution in this case. Hope it works out for ya! Fingers crossed.